“Sex is not something you do, it is a place you go, it’s a space you enter with another person… what do you find there? Is it a place of union? A place of surrender? A place of control? Whatever it means to you and your partner, what comes out of that is a language…” -Esther Perel
Modern love has created what Perel terms, “a crisis of desire.” The traditional ideas of security and care taking, central to long-term commitment, have become powerful anti-aphrodisiacs. In her TED Talk, Perel reminds us that what nurtures love can often stifle desire.
Where “to love, is to have”… “to want, is to desire,” and the two require very different practices. As we become aware of this we can tinker with our behaviors and re-create connection. With just a simple shift in perception, “we can open up to the mysteries that are living right next to us” and re-ignite the flame that even in the best of loving relationships is dimmed in the day-to-day sharing of life.
She guides us through this crisis with humor and a stinging truth. If you enjoy this talk, I’d like to suggest her podcast, ‘Where Should We Begin.’ “This original audio series takes us into intimate moments where we learn, explore, and experience alongside real couples…” You will walk away with an enhanced understanding of yourself and your partner.