No longer do I have the boundless energy of my 20’s, with so much time in front of me, hungry and absorbing everything. No longer do I feel the urgency of my 30’s, so much to be, to do, and to have, collecting it all, like it is about to disappear. Somewhere around 40, when I had experienced a bit of everything, and was able to sit still long enough, I found there was an emptiness.
I wanted more but I didn’t know what that “more” was. I wore myself out trying to solve that riddle outside of myself. Exhausted and out of balance, I realized I was consuming far too much of this world and creating far too little in it.
There was no balance, no creation.
I ran on a treadmill going nowhere only to drink those calories back… I distracted myself with social media instead of meditating, I was just spinning, not moving forward or back. It was unfulfilling.
The beauty of midlife is, we finally see that time moves too fast.
I had gifts buried deep in my bones. Gifts that I didn’t look inward at or leave much room for, in my pursuit of the external self.
So, I chose to create time for meditation, to create food with love, to create a space to practice sacred sexuality, to create something with my hands, be it something for myself or something that touches others.
Today, I chose to create more than I consume.
© cs, 2017